Despite all the information available about “netiquette” and the importance of networking strategically online, I continue to get dozens of  mystery online networking requests. Sometimes the connection is as weak as being a member of the same group (with 50,000 other members) or as bizarre as asking for a face-to-face meeting based on the fact that we reside in the same city.

Something strange seems to happen to some people when they network online. It’s as if some people think that none of the common rules for building relationships exist. Could you imagine ever saying any of the following things over the phone or in person to someone you don’t know?

1. I’ve seen you walking down this block in the neighborhood before. Want to meet for coffee?
2. Someone told me we used to work for the same company that employs 20,000 people. Want to chat sometime?
3. I found your number in the phone book. Maybe we have something in common.
4. I heard through the grapevine that you work for a company where I would really like to work. Can you tell me more about what it’s like to work there?
5. I found you in the 1997 student alumni directory. I’m a graduate of the class of 1980. Would you like to compare notes?
6. I know I’ve never actually met you before and you have no idea who I am. But someone suggested I say “since you are someone I know and trust, I would like to add you to my network.” Does that work for you? (Hint: that’s verbatim from a LinkedIn template that people seem to use whether they know you or not).
7. You looked like someone I should know so I followed you home, made note of your address and then did a search to find your phone number. Would love to meet formally sometime.
8. I found your name and number written on a cocktail napkin at a local restaurant and I decided to call you. I figured, “what do I have to lose?”

Of course you wouldn’t say any of these things! So why do people think this approach will work online? If you are using LinkedIn or other social media tools to connect with others, create authentic relationships and recognize that the affinity will grow over time. Even on Twitter where there are generally no gatekeepers for connecting with others, it’s still advisable to follow the person for awhile and create a supportive and non-threatening dialogue before bringing the relationship face to face.

I am a fairly open connector on LinkedIn as well as other social media platforms. But I have to know a little bit about you and why you want to connect before I accept. Isn’t that just common sense?

For anyone interested in connecting via LinkedIn, you can find me here. Just be sure to tell me how you found me and why you think we should connect.

The September issue of Oprah Magazine features four women at various stages of their careers: the stay at home mom returning to work, the single mom laid off from her position and seeking a new challenge, the recent college graduate looking for her big break, and the boomer trying to make a career transition later in life.

I was fortunate to work with these women along with colleagues Louise Fletcher and Nancy Collamer to help them create a strategic job search plan. While each one has a different end goal, the course they need to take is in many ways the same. Here are some of the top tips shared with the women.

1. Ask for information rather than a job. When you ask someone if they know if anyone is hiring there is a simple yes/no response (usually no) which leaves the conversation at a standstill. Instead of asking about job openings, ask your contacts if they would be willing to talk to you to share information…about an industry, a company, a recruiter or whatever else will help get you one step closer to the ultimate hiring manager. Asking for a jobs can make the other person feel uncomfortable; asking for information can be flattering.
2. Get on LinkedIn. With 60M+ users LinkedIn has become a “must have” resource for recruiters searching for top talent. If you aren’t on LinkedIn, recruiters may come to the conclusion that you are not current, not serious, or not good enough at what you do to be in the running for their openings.
3. Be on-message. Prepare a succinct, compelling pith about what you are looking for and why you are qualified. Keep this message consistent in your resume, your online profiles, and your conversations.
4. Reach out to companies directly. Do you dream of working for Google, Starbucks, JPMorgan Chase, or the Red Cross? If so, let the employer know that. More and more companies are filling positions through employee referrals and social networking and many never even post their open positions. Become an insider by reaching out to companies and expressing your interest before they have a job opening. If you can become top of mind with them, you increase the likelihood of being considered, should a position become available, or better still of having a position created for you based on the outstanding value the employer thinks you could bring to the organization.

After several weeks of job search preparation, (and some fabulous hair, makeup, and wardrobe makeovers courtesy of Oprah Magazine’s creative team), the women are out working their contacts, setting up networking meetings and interviews, forwarding resumes, and working with recruiters.

You can read more about each woman’s transformation by picking up the September issue (sorry, no link currently available) on newstands now.

Many people think that networking during a job search means calling everyone you know and asking them for a job. They associate networking with being pushy, overbearing, and an overall pest. People often shy away from networking because they don’t want to be labeled as this type of person. But research shows that 70-80 percent of all jobs are filled through networking. How can this be so, if networkers are such an annoying, self-serving lot?

Successful networkers are not egocentric, aggressive jerks. They show a sincere interest in their networking contacts. They work hard to develop a relationship, establish their credibility, and share information. They follow the rules of the game where everyone has something to gain. Like the lottery, you have to be in it to win it. Below are seven tips to follow for successful networking.

1. Don’t ask for a job… ask for information.

Networking is not about asking everyone you know for a job. As a matter of fact, when you network you should never ask someone for a job… You ask them for information that will help you in your search. Your goal is to build a relationship and establish rapport so that if a potential opportunity becomes available in the future, they will want to refer you. Compare these two scenarios:

Scenario One

“Joe, I’ve been out of work for six months and I’m really strapped for cash. Do you know of any open positions in your department?”

You’ve put Joe in a very difficult position. Sure, he can sympathize with your situation, but he may not be able to offer you a job. Perhaps he’s not in a position to refer you, or there’s a hiring freeze, or there aren’t any openings right now. Whatever answer Joe gives you, it’s bound to be disappointing. So to redeem himself, Joe says, “I don’t know of any open positions, but why don’t you give me your resume and I’ll send it to the HR department where I work.” Bad move. Unless your skills match a specific opening in the company at that point in time, it’s bound to never be looked at. Joe will feel that he’s done what he can for you, but you will be no better off.

Scenario Two

“Joe, as you know, I most recently worked for a medical device company in their marketing group. I know that you’ve been in pharmaceutical sales for the past 15 years and I’m very interested in learning more about marketing roles within your industry. I don’t expect you to know of any open positions in your organization, but I’d like the opportunity to speak with you briefly to learn more about your organization and the pharmaceutical industry in general.”

Joe may think, “OK, here’s a friend that wants some information and sees me as some sort of expert on the topic. That’s kind of flattering. I guess I could spend a few minutes with him.” Does Joe know you’re looking for a job? Probably. But you are not asking him for a job; you’re just asking him for advice and insight. The stakes are low and the expectations are reasonable, so he is more likely to help you.

2. Don’t take up too much of the other person’s time.

Have an agenda and keep the meeting on track. Nothing scares people more than the prospect of someone eating up a lot of their time. Many people don’t want to cram yet another meeting into their already jam-packed day. Contrast these two situations:

Scenario One

You meet with Mary after a mutual friend has agreed to help you set up a brief 20-minute meeting. You neglect to prepare for the meeting, ramble, get off topic and spend an hour and a half with her. Mary feels that you have abused the use of her time and you haven’t gotten to the critical questions you’d hoped to ask during the meeting. Mary feels burned and vows never to network again.

Scenario Two

You walk into the meeting with a prepared mental agenda that includes:

* A reminder of who referred you and perhaps some brief chit-chat about that mutual acquaintance.
* A statement that you have no reason to believe Mary can offer you a position
* An explanation of your agenda. “Today I’d like to tell you a bit about myself and get your perspective on the future of the high-tech industry.” Remember to discuss your skills and accomplishments and show how you can add value to an organization.

By planning out your meeting ahead of time, you establish your professionalism, gain credibility, and cover all the critical agenda items.

3. Give the other person a chance to speak. Ask questions.

When you network it is imperative that you do not do all the talking. If you have asked another person for advice, make sure they have the opportunity to offer it. Also, when you do all the talking, the other person might feel confused and unsure of what they are supposed to do with the information you have supplied. Here are some questions you can ask to keep your exchange balanced and establish rapport.

* How long have you been with this company/field?
* What do you like/dislike about your job?
* What type of training do you need for positions such as yours?
* What is the culture of this company and what are its guiding principles?

4. Ask for suggestions on how to expand your network.

One of the main goals of networking is to tap into the network of the people you are meeting with. Each person you meet knows 200 or more people. If you can gain introductions to some of them, you quickly increase your network and your chances of finding the right connection. Ask your contacts if they can recommend a professional organization or the names of some other people you should be talking to.

5. Create a vehicle for follow-up.

If you want to establish rapport with another person, you need to create ways to keep the relationship going. Ask the person if you may keep them informed of your search progress. If you read an article that pertains to a discussion you had at a networking meeting, cut it out and send it to them with a brief note. Try to find at least two to three opportunities per year to reconnect with members of your network.

6. Find ways to reciprocate.

Building a network is about creating a genuine, caring relationship. Thank your contact for the information they have supplied and see if you can help them in some way. Maybe your contact is interested in living in an area that you are familiar with or has a child interested in attending the same school you just graduated from. Share your knowledge of the school and your experience there as a way to help the other person. Keep notes on what you learn about your contacts so that future correspondence can have a personalized touch like “How was Jane’s first year of school?”

7. Send a thank you letter.

Always thank your contacts in person and follow up with a letter. If your handwriting is legible, the personalized touch is always appreciated.

Networking is an ongoing process. It requires persistence, attention, organization, and good will. Incorporate the art of networking into your job-search campaign now, and you will gain opportunities and build relationships that will last a lifetime.

According to Human Resource Executive Online, Brelyn Hammernik, a technical recruiter, was recently sued by her former company, TEKsystems, an IT staffing firm,  after she sent messages to members of her LinkedIn network — members who also happened to be current employees of TEKsystems. What was the problem? Her former company claims that she had a non-compete agreement that stated she cannot contact former colleagues and clients.

This lawsuit is the first of its kind, and it is expected to create precedent regarding social networking and non-compete agreements.

Here are a few other ways LinkedIn can place users on shaky ground.

Account Ownership

When you create an account on LinkedIn, link it to a personal email address rather than a company email. If the account is linked to a company address, the company may claim that the contacts belong to them and not allow you to have access to your account if you leave the employer.

Endorsements

For decades, many companies have had a clear policy that prohibits employees from giving personal references for people they have worked with at that company. When employers check references on a potential hire, they are often rerouted to the company’s HR department where very limited information such as job titles and dates of employment are shared. With the advent of new social media policies, I think it’s just a matter of time before companies formalize their policies around giving LinkedIn recommendations because they don’t want to be saddled with the potential liability these recommendations can create.

Profile Information

Thinking of altering job titles on your LinkedIn profile or embellishing the truth? Don’t do it. This information can be easily found online and if your representation of yourself or the professional impact you had on the company is debatable, your employer could call you on it.

Slideshare Presentations

Presentations of your work can be created on LinkedIn to add some flair and make your profile more three dimensional. But be careful that whatever you are sharing isn’t considered proprietary by a current or former employer.

LinkedIn is a fantastic social media platform and a boon to job seekers. The benefits certainly outweighs the risks, but it is important to use the tool intelligently and not step on any legal landmines along the way.

In honor of April Fool’s day, the Career Collective is tackling a few important and timely questions: How are you fooling yourself about your career /job search? What can you do about it, and how to avoid being tricked by common job search blunders.

1. You are expecting to get calls for interviews because you posted your resume online. Despite all the advice and statistics to the contrary, job seekers continue to spend most of their job search time posting on job boards. It’s fine to apply for positions that you are truly qualified for online. But is is imperative that you create alternative plans for getting your foot in the door at those employers. Talk to recruiters, find someone in your network who may know someone at the company, or use tools such as LinkedIn or Jigsaw to find a potential decision maker at that company. Posting on the job boards with thousands of other applicants will rarely get you noticed.
2. You think keywords in resumes are a “nice to have”. More and more recruiters and hiring managers are using applicant tracking systems to source candidates and they may never find you if your resume doesn’t contain relevant keywords. Stop debating the importance of keywords and start putting them in your resume. Applicant tracking systems are getting more sophisticated and they are here to stay.
3. You think the format and presentation of your resume is inconsequential. I often write posts about the importance of what I call “resume bling”…the use of visuals such as graphs and charts and in some cases color or images to prove impact or differentiate oneself from the pack. This idea continues to scare people who think this isn’t proper resume etiquette because it will make their resume look different. Ah…sorry…looking different is the point.
4. You think networking is just brown nosing. I get these comments about networking all the time and even hear from people who say they would never “stoop” to trying to build relationships with people as part of their job search. They are missing the boat on the concept of giving to get and being authentic. People want to do business with people they know. Take a general interest in people…always…and they will be there to help you when you need an introduction.
5. You think online networking is not necessary for you. Sometimes my senior level clients tell me they are very well known in their professional circles, so LinkedIn is not necessary for them. They may be well known, but many hiring managers and recruiters expect to see a consistent online representation of who you are professionally.

Take a long hard look at your search strategy. Are you making progress or just fooling yourself? You can read posts on this topic from my colleagues below.

10 Ways to Tell if Your Job Search is a Joke, @careerealism

April Fool’s Day – Who’s Fooling Who?, @MartinBuckland @EliteResumes

If It’s Not You and It’s Not True, You’re Fooling Yourself, @GayleHoward

Don’t Kid Yourself! (The Person You See in the Mirror is a Good Hire), @chandlee

Avoiding the Most Common Blunder, @jobhuntorg

Are you fooling yourself? Bored at work? Is it your own fault?, @keppie_careers

Hey, Job Seeker — Don’t Be a Fool!, @resumeservice

Job Search Is No Joking Matter,  @careersherpa

Is Your #Career in Recovery or Retreat? (All Joking Aside), @KCCareerCoach

9 Ways You Might Be Fooling Yourself About Your Job Search, @heatherhuhman

Don’t get tricked by these 3 job search blunders, @LaurieBerenson

Trying to hard to be nobody’s fool?,  @WorkWithIllness

It’s not all about you, @DawnBugni

Mirror ‘their’ needs, not ‘your’ wants in #jobsearch, @ValueIntoWords

Stop Fooling Yourself about your Job Hunt: Things you may be doing to sabotage yourself – @erinkennedycprw

Same as it ever was – @walterakana

Lately I’ve been getting several invitations on LinkedIn either from people I don’t know or from people who get past some of the LinkedIn screening features by claiming they know me from working together someplace I have never worked. In both scenarios, I am rarely given an explanation of why they want to connect; just the standard “I’d like to add you to my network” line.

I’m certainly not a LinkedIn prude and I do connect on LinkedIn with people I don’t know…If they tell me how they heard about me and why they think we should connect.

Part of the beauty of LinkedIn is the ability to transcend geography, industry, profession, and age to meet new people who can add value to your network and who you can offer reciprocal help. It’s all about building long term relationships. So if you want to connect with me, tell me why you think we should “be in a relationship.” Don’t invite me into your network with no explanation…I’m not into one night stands.

This month the #careercollective is offering advice on how to overcome the negative aspects of job search and stay upbeat if your search efforts haven’t landed you a job yet. Job search is tough and it’s certainly a lot of work; but it doesn’t have to be drudgery. Here are ten suggestions for things you can do to make job search more rewarding, more enlightening, and hopefully more fun.

Eat. No, I’m not talking about pity eating and downing a bag of chips and a pint of ice cream in front of the TV. But meeting a friend for coffee, a drink, or lunch is a great way to combine something pleasant and fun with some power networking.
Write. Journaling is a great way to record how you are feeling during your search and examine the trends that could be indicators of what is working in your search and what is not. Some even turn their journals into blogs to create a following and make new friends and contacts as they chronicle their unemployment experience.
Study. Did you know that The Department of Labor funds job training programs? You may qualify for training in a specific skill or funding to return to school to complete a degree program. Going back to school can be fun.
Volunteer. Find a cause you are passionate about and volunteer for a role that allows you to create visibility in front of the decision makers in this volunteer community. You never know who these people may know and what types of introductions they may be able to make for you. And volunteering helps you feel needed and reminds you of all you have to be grateful for.
Exercise. Aerobic conditioning and weight workouts can help you feel better and burn calories more efficiently during the day. Pilates can help reduce the muscle aches often associated with hours of sitting at a desk hunched over a computer, and many people find that a regular yoga practice is a great way to reduce stress.
Do Someone a Favor. When you were working you probably didn’t have the time to watch someone else’s kids or pet or help someone with a home improvement project. Now that you have some free time, offer to help make someone’s life easier. Your efforts will be remembered and that help may be reciprocated in the form of an important introduction or job lead.
Primp and Pamper. This is not an indulgence. The little details like your hair and nails count during a job search. And it can be rejuvenating to get a new hairstyle or experiment with a new nail color.
Shop. I’m not suggesting a totally new wardrobe. But a new scarf, tie, hair piece, or handkerchief can change up the interview suit you are tired of wearing and give you a renewed sense of confidence.
Read. Books by Harvey Mackay and Keith Ferrazi have provided inspiration for millions of job seekers over the years. Check out some of their titles at your local library.
Reconnect. Get over your concerns about reconnecting with past colleagues and friends. Social media tools like LinkedIn and Facebook have made it fun, easy (and less creepy) to get back in touch with people from your past. Rekindle past relationships and you are bound to find a friend or two that can help you with some aspect of your search.

Be sure to also check out the advice of my esteemed colleagues below.

@MartinBuckland, Job Search Made Positive

@GayleHoward, Job Search: When It All Turns Sour

@chandlee, Strategy for Getting “Unstuck” and Feeling Better: Watch Lemonade

@heathermundell, Help for the Job Search Blues

@heatherhuhman, 10 Ways to Turn You Job Search Frown Upside-Down

@KCCareerCoach, You Can Beat the Job Search Blues: 5 + 3 Tips to Get Re-Energized

@WalterAkana, Light at the End of the Tunnel

@resumeservice, Don’t Sweat the Job Search

@careersherpa, Mind Over Matter: Moving Your Stalled Search Forward

@WorkWithIllness, Finding Opportunity in Quicksand

@KatCareerGal, Job-Hunting in a Weak Job Market: 5 Strategies for Staying Upbeat (and Improving Your Chances of Success)

@ErinKennedyCPRW, Dancing in the Rain–Kicking the Job Search Blues

@keppie_careers, What do do when you are discouraged with your job search

@DawnBugni, It’s the little things

@ValueIntoWords, Restoring Your Joy in Job Search

Last night I watched the story of mogul skier Alexandre Bilodeau who won the gold medal for Canada on Sunday. He credits his older brother who has cerebral palsy for inspiring him and keeping him driven and focused on his goal. Doctors told his family that his brother would no longer be able to walk past the age of ten, but at age 28 his brother can still walk. So each day when Bilodeau thinks about the training challenges in front of him, he pauses for a moment and thinks of the challenges his brother faces every day, how he has overcome them, and how he continues to beat the odds.

What if job seekers could adopt this Olympic-winner attitude and create internal “tapes” to motivate them and move past their challenges? Perhaps then the setbacks they face would seem manageable and the hope would stay alive. Here are some positive messages job seekers should be sending themselves on a regular basis.

1. I will maintain a healthy life style so I can manage my search at an optimal performance level.
2. I will challenge myself to reach out to new people who may be able to help me with my search.
3. I will accept the help of friends and family during this difficult time even if it makes me a bit uncomfortable.
4. I will seek out coaches and mentors who can help me move closer to my goal.
5. I will put in the time necessary to research potential employers and market myself directly to them.
6. I will examine my resume and other personal marketing collateral to make sure they are the best they can be.
7. I will celebrate the victory of landing an interview, even if I don’t ultimately get the job.
8. I will not blame external factors for my situation.
9. I will be a good team member and support others in their job search when I can.
10. I will regularly envision the end goal of landing my new job.

Some days it’s hard for an athlete to muster up the motivation for the grueling training session ahead of him. Likewise,  some days it’s hard for a job seeker to stay motivated in a challenging market. Positive self-talk can help. So does keeping your eye on the gold. Let the games begin!

Last night I had one of those moments that every mother dreads. It was three hours past the time my teenage daughter was expected home and she wasn’t answering her cell phone which appeared to be off. She’s a pretty responsible girl, so I was concerned to say the least. The fact that I had recently written a post about a sex offender that lives nine blocks from my house probably wasn’t helping me feel more secure about her tardiness.

So I did what any neurotic mother would do. I reached out to everyone I could think of to figure out where she might be. And here’s what I realized. If you really need to find someone, now more than ever, you have the resources to quickly create a web of contacts to get the information you need. I made some phone calls to the parents of her friends, but I simultaneously had my son instant messaging her friends who were online. At the same time, I worked through the one teenage friend both my daughter and I share on Facebook to get the name of a girl who I thought might know her whereabouts and messaged her on Facebook even though we are not friends. Through these efforts, I started to piece together a time line of when she got off the school bus and where her location might be. Within minutes, kids were texting my daughter checking to see if she was ok.

After about 45 minutes of craziness, my daughter walked in the door and told me where she had been (with a student uptown who is tutoring her in math) and that her phone battery was dead. And while she claims she told me about her evening plans this morning, my aging and overloaded brain has no recollection of this conversation. Of course now I’ve completely embarrassed her with my over-the-top sleuthing capabilities, but in retrospect, I wouldn’t have done anything differently if confronted with the situation again.

I think there is a great lesson here for job seekers. If it is truely important to you to find a certain contact that will help move your job search forward or give you key information you need, you will do it. You will think creatively about who knows who and who will be willing to advocate for you and your candidacy. Because it’s that important to you and you won’t stop searching until you have the information you need.

Last week Brian Tietje, Sales Manager for LinkedIn, delivered an excellent presentation on LinkedIn to members of the Human Resources Association of New York networking group. Here are my top ten takeaways for job seekers.

1. Create a keyword driven summary. Forget about the summaries that describe you as passionate, a great communicator, and a team player. LinkedIn is all about searchability and recruiters and hiring managers don’t search on those cliched phrases, Instead, focus on the relevant keywords for your industry and job function and be sure to really build out the specialties section. Like resumes, no recruiter is really reading your LinkedIn profile. They are performing multiple sophisticated keyword searches looking for a match. Make every word count.
2. Monitor your profile views. Check the jobs tab regularly to see how many people have viewed your profile. If the number is exceptionally low, perhaps you need to tweak your profile to improve your searchability.
3. Don’t ignore the events listings. Many hiring authorities search for top talent on LinkedIn by looking in the events section. They scour the list of events on LinkedIn to see who is attending certain industry events and often make connections directly through the events section rather than the user profile section.
4. Spend time in the answers section. Again, hiring managers are looking for the trend setters and industry leaders. Often these people are participating in the answers section of LinkedIn, providing leadership and guidance, building credibility, and demonstrating authority.
5. Include a picture. People want to see who they are doing business with. The picture starts solidifying the trust. The picture is part of your personal brand. Get over your insecurities about having the picture up on LinkedIn. It is here to stay and it is an important component in the relationship building process.
6. Use applications that help you track company information. The Company Buzz application on LinkedIn lets you track in real time who is saying what about certain companies and people on Twitter. This is an excellent way to be in the know about companies you are targeting.
7. Don’t worry about upgrading to the paid level of service. This level is designed for recruiters and marketers, not job seekers. LinkedIn has an enormous amount of utility for job seekers at the free level of service.
8. Pay attention to your privacy settings. LinkedIn generally assumes you want a high level of privacy and will default to that setting unless you tell it otherwise. But everyone should review their settings and make sure they are aligned with your professional goals. For example, you can control who can tell that you have reviewed their profile. As a job seeker you will probably be researching multiple LinkedIn profiles…you don’t necessarily want everyone to know you are searching their profile and you can change this setting to anonymous.
9. Ditch connections that don’t make sense. It is ok to terminate a connection with someone who you don’t know and don’t plan on building a relationship with. The degrees of separation work best when there is some affinity between you and the person you are connected to. Without that affinity it will be more difficult to reach out to that person for an introduction to someone in their network.
10. Keep learning about LinkedIn. Take advantage of the LinkedIn Learning Center and the LinkedIn blog to get the most out of LinkedIn and stay on top of new features.