Careers and Relationships: Are You Really That Different From David Letterman?

Posted by : Barbara Safani 3 Comments

workplace romanceAs a former HR manager and a current career professional, you’d think I’d be weighing in on the  David Letterman story and reminding people why having a personal relationship with a co-worker is career suicide. And while yes, that seems like the logical thing to say, it’s just not that cut and dry. While I’m not condoning what Letterman did, and I recognize the enormous implications for corporate exposure and the motivation for companies to dissuade relationships at work and even create policy around it, relationships at work are not going away anytime soon, regardless of what policies companies implement. Yes, bosses should know better than to get involved with their subordinates, but bosses are prone to the same feelings as everyone else who embarks on a romantic relationship with a co-worker. Not every relationship ends badly and some even have a “happily ever after.”

The Letterman incident made me reflect on my own experiences of blurring the work/personal life line. The truth is that half of all the personal relationships I have ever had were with people I met at work. And while my total number of relationships is not huge, half is still a pretty significant percentage. In addition, I know many people who met their spouse or significant other at work, so it’s pretty obvious that I’m not a statistical anomaly.

So why do people initiate romantic relationships with co-workers? In the spirit of the David Letterman show, here are my top 10 reasons why.

  1. Distraction…Let’s face it. No one is focused solely on their work every moment they are in the office. There is a huge social component to the world of work and without it people would probably be less productive in the long run. Some of us are more distracted than others and in extreme cases the distraction with the person we like becomes an obsession…and yes that is a bad thing. But in other cases, having that person around makes you happier, more motivated, and overall more productive.
  2. Ambition…Yep, people still start relationships for professional gain but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they are evil or will get burned in the end. Some people in a position of power take a genuine interest in helping and mentoring subordinates and really want them to succeed and the sex evolves from the bond that is formed.
  3. Connection...Being part of a team or an exciting corporate initiative can be like an aphrodisiac. It’s a feeling that you only share with the people on the project and no one else can relate to the importance of the project the same way as a co-worker.
  4. Acceptance…Many people feel that their office mates understand them better than friends, family, and spouses, perhaps because they understand each other professionally or they both relate to the culture of the company.
  5. Education…Co-workers often have knowledge to share with each other that can be valuable in one’s career. The desire to share and gain that knowledge can lead to an increase in attraction.
  6. Convenience…We spend a lot of time with the people we work with. We get to know them faster and with less effort than others because of the consistent exposure. Sometimes relationships emerge out of simple convenience.
  7. Proximity…I was once in a relationship with someone who worked on the same floor as me. When my department moved to the building next door, the relationship fizzled and he met someone upstairs. Go figure.
  8. Avoidance…Many people who start a romantic relationship with a co-worker are avoiding a problem that has surfaced in their marriage. Sometimes it’s easier to work late than to go home.
  9. Excitement…This is a big one. You can watch Jim and Pam’s relationship on The Office unfold or you can create your own entertainment. Besides you can always DVR The Office, but you can’t do the same for a relationship.
  10. Revenge…Many office relationships no doubt start because one person is trying to get back at someone else for something and an affair with a co-worker is an easy fix. Perhaps not the smartest move, but one that happens frequently enough.

So when it comes down to it, maybe more of us have been involved in an office romance than we care to admit. And maybe that’s not always such a bad thing. For the record, I was never involved in a relationship with a boss, but I think I”ve been guilty of numbers, 1, 3 and 9 on the list. How about you?

— 3 Comments —

  1. Thanks Jennifer!

    I actually wrote a paper on the topic of relationships in the workplace while I was in graduate school…which was a long time ago…This issue has been in the workforce forever. I’m also wondering what role social media and the Internet plays in the relationships at work issue. With so many options for connecting with people; IM, email, texting, Facebook, etc. do you think it makes it easier for people to build and maintain these types of relationships with co-workers? Sounds like an interesting study to me.

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