Commitment and Your Career: Where Do You Draw the Line?

There’s a hot debate going on over at Jerry Albright’s blog over a tweet by Dan Schawbel stating that you have to be as committed to your social media profile as you are to your husband or wife.  Some disagreed with the analogy.  Frankly, I think it’s all overblown and Dan was just trying to say that a strong brand, like a strong marriage needs constant attention. I actually think Dan’s tweet was spot on and shows a great deal of maturity because whether you are in a good relationship or a good career, you should be working hard to keep it vibrant. But likewise, if you are in a bad relationship or a bad job, I think you should be working just as hard…to get out of it.

Many of the responses on Jerry’s blog came from married people who said that marriage takes an enormous amount of commitment and hard work. And I think that’s a fair statement from people who are in marriages that at their core are good, solid, and reciprocal relationships. When a relationship is strong at its core, the work comes from dealing with the natural give and take of the union…deciding who will cook, clean, and take care of the kids, how money will be spent, or who will put their career on the back burner for the other. Sure there are hiccups along the way and times when the quality of the relationship is tested, but if both people are working towards the same goals and respectful of each other’s needs and feelings they can generally work on the relationship each and every day.

Yet no one seems to talk about the marriages that just don’t work regardless of how much work you put into them. So many marriages are dysfunctional because there is some pattern of abuse…physical abuse, mental abuse, substance abuse, infidelity, or a power struggle over money or sex. And more often than not, those marriages are doomed to fail because the dysfunction started way before the mate came along and until the dysfunction is addressed by the individual the union can’t work. So the hard work in those relationships is defined by how hard the abused party tries to get out.

A lot of people in terrible relationships never get out. Because it’s too much work and it’s just easier to bury your head in the sand. Or because they don’t want to disappoint their children, their extended family, or friends. Or because they are too afraid to face the consequences of getting out so they try to convince themselves that things will get better. But there is really no such thing as “working at it” in these situations. You can’t reason with your spouse and say things like “Honey, do you think you can ease up on beating me this week since it’s my birthday” or “Dear, can you cut back on your Ambien, Percoset, and Gin & Tonic cocktail this week so we can have a peaceful family meal for a change.” Because nine times out of ten the dysfunction is much stronger than you are.

I think the same analogy holds true for relationships at work. Corporate America is a tough place. Not every business transaction will go smoothly and not everyone will embrace all of your ideas. At times the workload can seem overwhelming, even unbearable and people you work closely with might start getting on your nerves. But if you believe in the company, the corporate vision, and the department’s mission, and if you inherently enjoy what you do, you will figure out a way to make it work and you will ride out the turbulence that is a natural part of most people’s work experience.

But you may also find yourself in situations during your career where there is dysfunction in the company or department or you may feel that your values are inconsistent with those of your employer. Or you may have a boss that alienates people, is a tyrant or a bully, or suffers from his/her own struggles with abuse or addiction. Like the marriage situation, it is generally hard to get these people to change no matter how hard you work at the relationship. Again, in these situations, the hard work comes from trying to get out. Which like a marriage is not easy to do due to the need for financial stability or the feeling that you will be letting family and co-workers down. The easy way out is to do nothing and suffer silently while the situation eats away at your well being and self esteem. But eventually, you will have to get out.

Commitment is important in anything whether it’s a marriage, a job, or your social media strategy. But sometimes you have to decide when it’s time to cut your losses and move on.