After reading Evil Hr Lady’s post on breastfeeding at work about a working mom whose formerly accommodating boss is now putting restrictions on pumping breast milk at work, I started thinking about how far working nursing moms have come and how far they still have to go.

Close to nineteen years ago when I was nursing my first baby, I thought about pumping milk at work but was overwhelmed by the thought. Few moms talked about pumping milk then, let alone having time off or a place to express milk.  And women who were doing it were trying to find privacy in closed offices or worse yet, bathrooms. The whole thing seemed so daunting and complicated that I negotiated to work at home for the first 6 months (which in 1993 was still fairly uncommon). But I soon decided to nurse past 6 months and made the decision to leave my position to be with my daughter full-time when she was young. I’m not saying that the nursing/breast pumping dilemma was the reason I made this decision, but it certainly was a contributing factor.

As of March 2010, employers are required to provide “reasonable break time for an employee to express breast milk for her nursing child for one year after a child’s birth.” Employers are also required to provide a place for expressing milk other than a bathroom that is shielded from view and free from intrusion from co workers and the public. It’s hard to believe that it took another 18 years following the birth of my daughter for this law to go into effect and I wonder how many other working moms over those years cringed while they pumped milk in bathrooms and hoped for the best or just gave up breastfeeding all together because accommodations for pumping were such a hassle.

I’m also wondering why the one year clause was added as a reasonable amount of time for the accommodation. Every baby is different and many (including mine) nurse way past the one year mark. Each state can decide how much more time they will offer (New York State offers 3 years) but it seems to me that the length of time should be left to the discretion of the mother.

Smokers get smoking breaks at work to feed their nicotine habit and no one puts a time limit on the number of years they are entitled to smoking breaks. Few employers tell a smoker when to stop taking smoking breaks, yet they can tell a nursing mom when they are no longer obligated to offer breaks to express milk. Like I said, working nursing women still have a long way to go.

Sure, by now you know that displaying pictures of you partying on Facebook or tweeting about how much you hate your boss are electronic no nos. But there are other, less well known faux pas that people are making every day at work that can get them and their employers in hot water. Here are five of them.

1. Textual Harassment. Thinking about texting a co-worker on your company cell phone to ask if they want to go for a drink after work? Think again. If your advances are unwanted you could be accused of textual harassment and the accuser will have the electronic breadcrumbs to back up their claim.
2. Privacy Breaches. Want to shoot your boss an email to let him know that a colleague won’t be in today because she is going to the doctor for chemotherapy or a colonoscopy? Don’t do it. HIPPA legislation was enacted to ensure that people are protected against having their health information exposed electronically.
3. Emailing While Off Duty. Are some of your employees  non-exempt workers who are paid an hourly rate and are eligible for overtime pay? If so, your company may have a strict policy against them doing company work remotely on a company laptop or cell phone after hours.
4. Blogging Without a Disclaimer. Pondering starting a blog to express your musings about life at a particular company? Check to see if your company has a social media policy. Many companies will either request that you don’t mention your affiliation with the company on your personal blog or that you add a disclaimer stating that the views expressed on the blog are yours alone and not reflective of the company’s position.
5. Electronic Organizing. Union organizers are using electronic leafleting to encourage employees in non-union shops to print and sign authorization cards and distribute union literature. Many organizers have been able to fly under the radar of companies with these methods because they are not as invasive as traditional union activity, but before you forward that email to your co-workers, find out if your company has a clearly defined policy against this type of activity. Going against the company policy could land you on probation or cost you your job.

My son has a name that is very common in some parts of the world but not very common in the United States. When you hear a person’s name, do certain thoughts and associations come to mind? I started thinking about how birth names might affect a job seeker’s candidacy and wondering if they can actually play a role in the hiring process or lead to discrimination. Here are three situations where I think in some cases, a job seeker’s name could potentially influence the hiring decision.

Names associated with a generation
I recently read a list of the top baby names for the last decade. Some of the names for girls that made the list this decade were Madison, Cheyenne, Sydney, Destiny, Makayla, and Brianna. Forget about finding names like Karen, Donna, Debra, and Barbara high up on the list. They are the names of generations past. It makes you wonder if hiring managers will try to peg the age of a candidate once they hear their name and if their decision to bring that person in for an interview could be influenced by this.

Ethnic sounding names
Names that have come to be associated with another culture or are hard for some to pronounce may be scrutinized more than those that are more mainstream American. I’ve had clients tell me they “Americanize” their name on their resumes to avoid this. And remember all the media around President Obama’s middle name Hussein? Is it possible that candidates are being judged on their names on a regular basis and this impacts their ability to land the interview?

Names shared by multiple people
In this Internet age, more and more hiring managers are surfing the web, typing the names of applicants into search engines and reviewing the results before they even call the applicant in for an interview. But what if your name is Fred Smith or Mary Jones? How many pages of results will the hiring manager need to sift through before finding the right one? And will they have the patience to do this or will it just be easier to move on to another candidate?

I’m certainly not recommending that anyone change their name, but I think the nuances of a name are important to pay attention to during a job search. If you have a difficult-to-pronounce name, you can try including your American nickname in parenthesis on your resume or just use an abbreviated form of your given name. If you have a common name, you can use your middle name to further differentiate you from all the other people who share your name. And if you think your name somewhat “dates” you, try to include content in your resume that proves that your skills are relevant in the current economy.

Obviously we are more than our names and we want to presume that hiring managers have good intent when screening applicants. But it doesn’t hurt to ask ourselves “What’s in a name?”

My son says I work too much. He sees me at my desk when he leaves for school in the morning long before the start of the traditional workday. He often sees me there again when he first returns home from school in the afternoon. And he sees me sitting beside him and working again while he is doing his homework in the evening. He thinks I’m an anomaly. But I’m starting to realize that I may be the new norm.

Last week at the National Resume Writers’ Association conference, Business and Workplace Author and Speaker Alexandra Levit keynoted the conference with a presentation called The Future of Work. One of the trends she discussed was the rise of virtual work spaces followed by the rise of worker burnout. Levit reminded us that people like boundaries, but in the evolving world of work, boundaries are becoming fuzzier and fuzzier. Work and personal lives are  becoming intertwined to the point where it’s hard to differentiate which is which. For many of us, the world of  9 to 5 is gone as work and personal demands co-mingle and become a part of everything we do.

I sometimes pine for the days when a boss or client couldn’t reach you after 5pm, a business trip truly meant you had limited phone contact, and calling someone about work-related issues while they were on vacation was considered taboo. I constantly struggle with the efficiencies of the virtual workplace versus the far less efficient, yet saner workplace of decades ago. I revel in the fact that I can Skype with a client in Singapore for free, yet cringe at the fact that I may need to be available as early as 7am to accommodate the time difference and the expectations of that client. The new world of work fascinates me and terrifies me at the same time.

But it’s my Gen Z (demographic born in 1995 or later) son who lives for technology and never knew a world without it that has forced me to reexamine the impact technology has had on my life and encouraged me to take the leap of faith to “just say no” in certain work situations to create boundaries for myself.  Here’s my short list

1. Have at least one unscheduled hour in the morning or midday for exercise or just to clear my head.
2. Ban Droid usage and email checking on the subway and read a book instead.
3. Insist on a hard stop for at least an hour at 4:30 (on the days I am working from home) to welcome my son home and enjoy his company.
4. Set a time where my home office “closes” and I don’t return until the next day.
5. Limit email use for business on the weekends.

We are big fans of Project Runway in my house which prompted me to read  Tim Gunn’s book, ‘Gunn’s Golden Rules: Life’s Lessons for Making it Work.’  In the book, Gunn reveals stories of the fashion world’s greatest divas and dirt on Project Runway contestants and judges. The book outlines 18 rules for how to succeed in life and touches on the importance of good manners and hard work as a means for getting ahead. Throughout the book Gunn weaves sage advice on life and gives his readers plenty of career “don’ts.”

Here are some of my favorite “Gunn-isms” coupled with career advice inspired by Gunn himself.

Make it Work. This has been Gunn’s catchphrase on ‘Project Runway’ for years. It’s his reminder to the designers that they need to find solutions to their fashion dilemmas before they run out of time in the episode’s fashion challenge. In the book, Gunn recalls helping a contestant thread a sewing machine and getting called out by the producer for doing so. He realized he had to let the contestant struggle with the task in order to remain impartial and keep the competition fair. The contestant had to make it work without the help of others.

Career lesson. Not every work situation is perfect; sometimes you will be thrown into situations that seem overwhelming at first. Push through and try to embrace change rather than quitting. In other words, make it work.

The World Owes You Nothing. Gunn discusses the huge sense of entitlement that prevails in the fashion industry and shares some choice tidbits about designers behaving badly. He shares tales of a world-renowned designer making outlandish demands in a restaurant and another designer who is carried down five flights of stairs following a fashion show because she hates elevators.

Career lesson. Showing up at work doesn’t mean you will be the employee selected for the next promotion. The notion that putting in the time leads to better positions and bigger bucks is generally a myth. Being at a certain professional level in an organization doesn’t ensure that you will be there forever or that people will bend over backwards for you.

Take the High Road. Gunn reveals situations where ‘Project Runway’ contestants accuse each other of copying their designs. In the end, the contestants that take the high road and choose to concentrate on their work fare better than the designers who are busy pointing fingers.

Career lesson. If you are concerned that someone at work is stealing your ideas or taking advantage of the work relationship in some other way, take the high road. Keep your integrity and try to get out of the situation as soon as possible without burning bridges because you never know when you will need those bridges again.

Don’t Abuse Your Power or Surrender It. Gunn has quite a bit to say about bad bosses and the impact they have had on him in his lifetime. He dishes on a top producer that made people work on a 120-degree set and a top TV personality who banned Diet Coke from the set of her show.

Career lesson. Bosses should be realistic regarding the demands they place on their employees, and they should be cognizant of the impact of poor working conditions. In addition, they need to be clear about expectations and rules so employees know when there is a performance issue. When expectations are not met there should be logical consequences.

Get Inspired if it Kills You. Gunn remembers working with design students who claimed they couldn’t find inspiration for their designs. He says you can find design inspiration in everything — movies, museums, books, theater, or even a quick glimpse outside your window.

Career lesson. If you lack inspiration for your work, there will always be others around you who are working hard and pushing themselves. As Gunn says, “If you don’t keep up, it doesn’t matter how advanced you were when the race started — you are not going to win it.”

Physical Comfort is Overrated. Gunn thinks that the concept of comfortable clothes, dress-down offices, and casual Fridays is totally overrated. He believes that if you are in clothes that are as comfortable as your pajamas, you can’t be engaged in the world of work the way you need to be. He talks about mothers who have impeccably dressed children but take little to no care in dressing themselves. He notes, “If you see your family as a brand, are you not a brand ambassador?”

Career lesson. The way you choose to dress sends a message to others and it is an integral part of your professional brand. Remember that the next time you reach for a pair of sweatpants.

Use Technology; Don’t Let it Use You. Gunn makes some great points about technology and how some people hide behind technology to take care of things that should be taken care of in person. His rules include, “You can promote an employee via e-mail, but you can’t fire him,” and “You can ask someone out by e-mail, but you can’t break up with her.”

Career lesson. Technology can be leveraged to help employees complete certain tasks smarter, faster, and more efficiently. But it is not the right medium for every task. Certain transactions require a personal touch. Your fingers can’t always do the walking when you are trying to build meaningful and trusting relationships. Sometimes it’s better to pick up the phone or meet face to face.

This week my first child began her college career. I’ve told her dozens of stories about my college experience but on this day I was thinking more about the college experience from the parent’s perspective. The day brought back a memory of my father and bringing my older brother to college over 35 years ago.

My dad was one of the least pretentious people I have ever met, but when we brought my brother to school, dad decided to hire a limo service (we didn’t own a car) to transport us from New York to Philadelphia. When we arrived on the campus quad we were greeted by curious students and parents wondering who the “rich people” (we were far from rich) in the car were. We were mortified by the attention and teased my father about the unfortunate trip to Phili for years. When my other brother and I prepared for college, we told dad that Amtrak, Greyhound, or even a covered wagon would be a better method of transport for the occasion.

So I was initially turned off by the fact that my daughter’s school has a tradition that the entire Freshman class marches through the school gates to signify the beginning of their college career. It brought me back to that limosine ride and the event seemed equally silly and over the top to me.

But something happened once the procession started and I finally understood the ride in the limo that day as I choked back a few tears and watched 2,000+ freshman stop traffic to walk through the gate. I always thought the limo was about my father being proud that his first son got into a great college and he wanted to indulge for just one day and go in style. But now I think the limo ride was more about celebrating the journey and all the steps it took to get this first son into college. So while I was watching the class of 2015 stream through the gates I thought about where they were going but more than that I thought about where they had been. I thought about how many countless days and nights their parents had spent helping their kids with homework, coaching sports teams, being cub scout den leaders, attending teacher-parent conferences, and everything in between.

When you are raising kids you sometimes get so wrapped up in the process that you forget to celebrate all the hard work that went into the process or acknowledge all the people who helped you along the way. And I started thinking about how true that is in a job search. People get so wrapped up in the end goal of finding a job that they forget to celebrate the successes along the way. And by the time they get the job they so desperately want to forget the time they spent searching and just move on. But I think there is tremendous value in reflecting on the process. So when you land your new job and enter the building on the first day or attend the new hire orientation, think about the future, but also take a minute to reflect on the past and appreciate all the hard work that went into the process.

After 9/11 I took the subway down to lower Manhattan because it was something I felt I needed to do. Like many people, I’d been struggling with how to make sense of it all, how to explain it to my young children who were surrounded by reminders of that day, and how to come to terms with my own mortality. I felt like I needed to document the day in some way. I’d done quite a bit of journaling in the past, but somehow writing a journal entry seemed too real and almost too accepting of the situation. So I decided to put my thoughts into prose and the poem below was the result.

Saw the void
In the city sky
Didn’t know how to feel
Didn’t know how to cry

Missing towers
Between Church and Vesey
Disoriented
Streets were messy

Reading prayers
And words of hope
Missing persons
Hard to cope

Policemen’s jerseys
Children’s art
Emotions pouring
From the heart

Tattered buildings
With windows taped
Like damaged souls
Or young girls raped

Should only face
Such heartache
With someone special
Who can make

A positive comment
A comforting word
To remind me
How absurd

To take your anger
Out on others
Innocent spouses
Children and mothers

I’m so glad I put my thoughts down on paper that day. Not because I think this is the world’s greatest poem, but simply because it captured the story and the emotions of the experience. And it froze the memory in  time in a way that it can be shared and honored.

A lot of what I do as a career coach revolves around teaching people how to tell their story in a meaningful way that can be shared and honored. People with great career stories are a lot like poets. Great career stories are concise and easy to remember. But their brevity doesn’t lessen the impact of their message; instead it intensifies it.

If you are trying to come to terms with the story of your career as you embark on a job search, consider writing about it first. Chronicle your successes as well as your obstacles. Write in paragraphs, bullet points, or even in prose. But get your thoughts down while you are “in the moment.” Doing so will help you create a more authentic and compelling message when you are ready to share your story with others.

My three closest friends don’t participate in any form of social or business networking. You’ll never find a business profile, status update, family photo, or even a poke from any of them on any online networking platform. While I ponder a “social media intervention” I continue to reach out to my friends on their terms which includes email and phone contact and an annual snail mail holiday card. I have to admit, it’s a lot more work to keep in touch this way and it takes more thought and planning on my part. But since these three friends mean the world to me, I try my best to stay in touch.

But what if I weren’t as close to these people? Would I bother? Where’s the threshold between making someone’s life easy and too much work? What if you are a job seeker? During a search, you need a lot of contacts…both strong and weak networking links. Remaining top of mind with the weaker links is tough when you solely rely on email, a phone call, or a holiday card. With those limited means of communication and interaction, will your network bother to stay in touch? I often hear people complaining that social media is a frivolous waste of time. I disagree. I think it’s a time saver and an efficient way to keep up with people and let them know what’s going on in your world. This makes people feel connected. Feeling connected makes people more likely to offer help and advice.

I talked to one of my closest friends this week. It’s been a long time since we spoke. Long enough for major events to occur in both our lives without the other one having a clue about it. I must admit that I was a bit sad when I realized that 300+ virtual friends know what I did last weekend and one of my dearest friends hasn’t known what’s been going on with me for much longer.

Imagine sending your resume to a recruiter and letting it sit in his database for years versus reaching out to recruiters on LinkedIn or Facebook to actively network with them. Think about the implications of sending a resume into the job board black hole versus building engagement with a company via their Facebook fan page. Contemplate leaving a weak networking contact 10 unanswered voicemails versus including them in an online dialog. Social networking works. Whether it’s for maintaining friendships or managing your career.

According to a recent survey of close to 2,400 US employees conducted by Mercer, half of US employees are not happy in their jobs. Here are some other interesting stats from the survey:

• Thirty-two percent of  US workers are currently considering leaving their organization, up from 23% in 2005.
• Twenty-one percent are not looking to leave but view their employers unfavorably and have low scores on key measures of engagement.
• Only 43% of US employees believe they are doing enough to financially prepare for retirement – down from 47% in 2005, and just 41% believe their employers are doing enough to help them prepare, up slightly from 38%.
• Sixty-eight percent of employees rate their overall benefits program as good or very good, down from 76% in 2005, while 59% say they are satisfied with their health care benefits, down from 66%.
• US workers show lower satisfaction with base pay (53% satisfied, down from 58% in 2005).
• Forty-two percent of employees believe promotions go to the most qualified employees in their organization, up from 29% in 2005, and 46% agree that their organization does an adequate job of matching pay to performance, up from 33%.
• The youngest workers are most likely to leave their companies – 40% of employees age 25–34 and 44% of employees 24 and younger.

Which half are you in at work? The happy half or the unhappy half?

According to a recent survey conducted by YourTango and ForbesWomen, 75 percent of women surveyed said they would not marry someone without a job and 65 percent said they wouldn’t get married if they were the one who was unemployed. But 91 percent of single women said they would marry for love over money. Huh? Some of the other survey stats intrigued me as well including:

• 55 percent of women would give up their careers to take care of children if their partners asked them to but only 28 percent would ask the same of their partner.
• 77 percent of women believe they can simultaneously have a fulfilling relationship and family life, as well as a successful career yet only 43 percent said their work/life balance is what they would like it to be.
• 62 percent of women in a relationship said they only spend 3 waking hours with their partner during the work week.
• 42 percent of women said that if they had an extra hour each day they would spend it alone rather than with their partners, friends, or family.

Is it possible that women have been conditioned to want love over money, but the prospect of being with someone who is unemployed challenges a need for stability? Is there a biological predisposition for women to assume the man will be the primary breadwinner?

And what about the work/life balance issue? Is it conceivable that women have been told for so long that they can have it all that they naturally believe this is so, even when their lives don’t reflect any such work/life balance? Do woman want it all and then decide to “chuck it” once kids come into the picture and there is an opportunity to raise a family full-time?

I don’t have the answers to any of these questions, but I think the survey represents the state of flux, turmoil, and confusion that many women feel. We want it all, but having it all simultaneously seems to be mathematically impossible. Maybe there just aren’t enough hours in the day to have it all at the same time. Are there other options? What do you think?